Nathan the Uber Driver

I planned to take the “Women Drivers” Uber option for my trip to the airport. As I opened the app, I felt impressed to choose a different one. Now I know why. God wanted me to meet Nathan. 

When opening Nathan’s Uber profile, I was encouraged to read his unashamed declaration: “College graduate, and I love Jesus.” I sent him a message saying, “Thank you, Nathan. I’m so glad you put that out there. I love Jesus too.”

“You’re so welcome! See you soon, sister.”

I waited for Nathan in the front lobby of the sports medicine and orthopedic center where I’d just received a steroid injection in my left shoulder and been told  joint replacement for both shoulders is inevitable.

Yesterday, I was told by a neurosurgeon that I have a benign tumor against my spinal column in T1. 

The day before that, an orthopedist recommended a right hip joint replacement.

Last night in my hotel room, I depleted a box of tissues as I mentally and physically cried out to the Lord. My emotions ran the gamut from frustration, anger, and fear to pleading and praising for the answers I do not yet see.

Getting to this place has been a long, hard five year journey. After a certain virus attacked my system on multiple occasions, my immune system began attacking itself in the form of rheumatoid arthritis (RA). As explained to me, RA is an incurable autoimmune disease in which a person’s body becomes inflamed and begins attacking the synovial fluid around the joints. This can eventually destroy the joints and cripple a person, as well as lead to vital organs being irreversibly damaged.

As a healthy, athletic 51-year-old woman with a history of good nutrition and a strong faith in miraculous healing, my initial diagnosis felt daunting but doable. In my mind, “If God was for me, who could be against me?” 

Yes, I took the counsel of a very dear and very concerned friend, and visited a rheumatologist. I learned about the treatment protocols, the recommended pharmaceuticals, and the terrifying side effects. I also processed the counsel of “lifestyle medicine” professionals, who shared testimonies of RA patients being restored to normal lives and getting up from wheelchairs after following a vegan, oil free diet. I was told by my functional medicine doctor that, “Methotrexate causes cancer,” and that he has “an eighty-five percent success rate treating RA patients with peptide amino acid injections from Oxford University.”

I decided to wean from the rheumatologist-recommended Prednisone and hydroxychloroquine tablets and embrace the  ultra-strict vegan diet and amino acid injection protocol, in hopes of avoiding steroid-induced “moon face,” blindness (a rare but possible side effect of hydroxychloroquine), and/or cancer or other diseases resulting from immuno suppressant drugs. 

Despite losing nearly 20 pounds, and several thousand dollars, my inflammatory markers remained high, so I tried something else. I’d heard of a regenerative medicine physician who successfully extracts stem cells from patients, infusing and injecting them back into the body so the body will stop fighting itself and begin regenerating the joints and other affected areas. I received several of these treatments at six or $7000 out-of-pocket each time. I also incorporated that doctor’s diet recommendations, which include not eating potatoes, sweet potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, beets, or anything sweet at all, including fruit, honey, or maple syrup. 

In addition to all of this, my husband and I continued to pray and believe for my full and complete healing. I have been anointed. We attended a “faith healing” weekend, where I received the laying on of hands by someone who has participated in and witnessed many miraculous healings. In my heart, I believed I would be restored to health.

For nearly 5 years, I’ve done, “all the things.” Have I done them perfectly? No. Did I sometimes eat chips and salsa on date night with My Honey? Rarely, but yes. Did I get the fried tofu instead of the steamed tofu on my green curry at the Thai restaurant? Once in a while, yes. Did I eat a piece of dark chocolate on special occasions? Yes. Do I think that’s the reason I am not healed? No.

I actually started to see some positive results from the lifestyle regiment. Last summer my SED rate was down to 45 from 120. I was feeling pretty good, though unable to fully use my arms because of the shoulder joints being “frozen.” Then something happened, which I feel is significant.

I experienced betrayal trauma from within my “inner circle.” This triggered a primal rage within me that took (and is taking) a lot of prayer, forgiveness and work with a mental health professional. Within three months, my SED rate was back to 120 and my rheumatoid factor had doubled. As I’ve shared before, the body keeps the score. I need to read Bessel van der Kolk’s book again. It’s science. It’s physical and spiritual warfare. It’s the truth.

So, i’m back to square one. Only worse. Apparently, although I was treating the symptoms of inflammation, according to my new rheumatologist, I was never treating the RA. So my joints were still destroying themselves, only perhaps more slowly than they would have if I’d been eating a daily diet of fried chicken, Takis and Diet Coke.

In the past few months, my mobility has become increasingly limited. Daily pain has gone, “through the roof,” and my faith has wavered just a little (or a lot, depending on which side of 3:00 a.m. my insomnia-induced thoughts are squatting.) 

I decided to reconsider traditional medicine before I became completely incapacitated.

Because my original rheumatologist retired and closed her office in 2025, I needed someone new. Due to divine intervention and a very industrious and well-connected friend, I’ve been recently seen by a top rheumatologist at a teaching hospital in another state. She ordered x-rays and MRIs of my joints, referred me to their best orthopedist  and  neurosurgeon, in addition to prescribing some really strong immunosuppressant drugs.

It’s been a month since I started those. Each time I take them, I pray and thank God that He is my Healer and I ask Him to protect me from adverse effects as I move forward in faith. I still eat very carefully, but the steroids make me constantly peckish. I feel my clothes shrinking by the week. I still pray and speak healing over my body in the name of Jesus. Sometimes I waffle, and sometimes I wallow, but I know Him in whom I have believed. And I know what He has done for me in the past, so I keep clinging to His promises and praying for miracles.

After three days of seeing specialists and not hearing great  news, last night felt like a breaking point. I questioned my connection with God and my ability to hear Him. I loathed myself for not following a pharmaceutical path five years ago, before my joints were destroyed. During my meltdown I received a text from someone I dearly love, inviting me to consider attending a lifestyle medicine center to address my RA. I wanted to just scream out, “I’ve already been down that road and look at me! I can’t even brush my own hair!” I felt like the woman in the Bible who spent all her money on treatments that did not work – utterly exhausted. Broke and broken. 

Then comes Nathan – the Jesus-loving Uber driver. As soon as I entered his car, he began sharing how he came to love Jesus after being miraculously healed while in the hospital with a heart condition. Nathan, the Bible school graduate, same age as my kids, making eye contact through the rearview mirror as he listened to my story of why I was in his city and in his Uber. Nathan, who compassionately asked if he could pray with me after he made the turn onto the interstate. Nathan, who reached back and took my hand so we could, “touch and agree” while he prayed mightily and passionately while quoting many familiar Bible verses for my full and complete healing in the name of Jesus. As he prayed, I felt the warm tingling presence of the Holy Spirit move through my body. I raised my other hand heavenward in agreement and expectation. 

Afterward, Nathan explained how he almost took a different rider, but felt impressed to skip that one. Then my request came in. He immediately accepted it. I shared with him how I almost requested a female driver, but felt nudged to choose differently. Nathan said he always prays before driving, asking God to place the right people into his car. We both know it was a divine appointment. He asked if he could get out and give me a hug when we stopped at the airport terminal.

I received Nathan’s hug as if it were from God himself, because it was. “He who began a good work in me will carry it forth to completion.” I choose once more to believe God sees me and will heal me in His time and in His way.

I share all of this in hope of encouraging someone out there who may feel torn between treatment options, hopeless, frustrated or fearful. May God guide you, restore you, keep you and ultimately heal you in every way. May God send you a Nathan today.

Much love, Juliet 

Written 3-6-26

I Saw You. You Are Beautiful.

Compassion squeezed me until the tears spilled out. The room was a small space filled with big pain. Palpable pain. I was eye to eye with you, my target audience. You – who quietly read my blog while your loved one sleeps “it” off in the other room. You – who nod in understanding when a chord of truth resonates with your story. You – who carry on with your calling, despite the ache in your souls as you long for your loved ones to be free. I saw YOU last weekend. You simultaneously broke my heart and made me proud.

Heather Kopp, in her memoir Sober Mercies: How Love Caught Up With A Christian Drunk, boldly claims, “…people bond more deeply over shared brokenness than they do over shared beliefs.Cross As we rubbed shoulders together, I understood what she meant. Your “game faces” melted under fluorescent lights as I shared my story. A silent, silken thread of shared brokenness wove its way through the room, making us soul sisters, regardless of our differences.

I’m thankful for you, for you represent every woman I write and speak to: every woman whose heart is heavy with the burden of someone else’s addiction. I knew you were out there, holding your heads up while your hearts break, serving others, as your own lives seem to unravel at the seams.

I’m proud of you… for being brave enough to attend a breakout session with an elephant in the room. You didn’t ignore it. You didn’t deny its presence. You swallowed your pride and spit out the seeds of denial so they could no longer take root in your lives. You embraced the pain and allowed your facades to crack as I held the mirror for Jesus as He turned your eyes toward the truth that you are not alone in your suffering. He is right there with you in every ounce of disappointment as you pour yourselves out for someone who cannot love you as they love themselves (because self-love is something addicted people have very little of). You wept as you allowed my story to penetrate your private hells and give you some survival tools and some hope.

Thank you for allowing me into your suffering. Thank you for the hugs at the door and the encouraging words of affirmation. Thank you for putting flesh on the souls of the women I’ve written my memoir for. I loved being able to share my heart with you. I loved connecting with you. I love you. As Kathryn Stockett wrote in, The Help, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” And you is beautiful!Hibiscus

I read Ann Voskamp’s blog post today. It’s entitled, “When You Feel Wounded By Your Own.” She says, “It is the wounded ones who make us heal.” I agree with her. When we share our wounds, our sorrows, our suffering, something healing happens. Healing takes place in community. Seeds of hope are sown in community. Sorrow is divided in safe, healing communities like Celebrate Recovery or Al-Anon. Please find one. Or, create one. Allow God the space in your busy life to finish the good work He has begun in you.

“He will swallow up death forever! The Sovereign LORD will wipe away all tears. He will remove forever all insults and mockery against his land and people. The LORD has spoken!” (Isaiah 25:8, NLT)

(Find Ann’s entire post here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/03/when-you-feel-wounded-by-your-own/ )

Stepping Out of Denial (Series #1 of 5)

In two weeks, our 12 Step group will begin again at Step 1. This time around, I’m praying for God to continue to peel the layers of the onion that is my life. May I invite you to take a peek at Step 1 with me?

Step 1: “We admitted we were powerless over our compulsions, obsessions    and addictions, and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Are we so busy controlling the lives of everyone around us that we forget there are areas of our own lives that are unmanageable? It’s time to come out of the dark. Time to take Step 1. Time to face the truth about ourselves.

 Here’s a short list of symptoms in our lives that there is possibly something deeper going on. We often look at the symptoms and stop right there, never getting to the root of the problem. Do you see yourself or someone you love anywhere on this list?

  • Shame-filled
  • Addicted
  • Depressed
  • Angry
  • Exhibiting poor self-esteem
  • Feeling powerless
  • Dealing with unexplained physical issues/illness
  • Battling suicidal thoughts or behaviors
  • Continually dealing with damaged relationships
  • Having a tendency to isolate

If you see yourself here, you are not alone. Many of us get stuck in a cycles like this. It’s like a roller coaster ride that never ends. We feel like throwing up. Life is no longer fun. We scream, but no one seems to care.

The first key to getting off the ride is coming out of denial. There are many ways to deny the truth about our issues. Denial is basically refusing to acknowledge that a problem exists, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary.

One way we do this is by intellectualizing. The creators of The Door of Hope program  (http://www.careforcelifekeys.org/pages.asp?id=53) define intellectualizing like this:

Intellectualizing – “When recalling the abuse, denying that the abuse had any emotional effect on them. We can think about it, talk about it, analyze it – but never take a step forward in the healing process. We can think we have dealt with it, but all we have done is thought about it.”

Consider this an official invitation to come out of denial today. We can prayerfully ask God for insight as to why we behave in certain unhealthy ways. He will reveal the root to us. Only then can He begin to truly heal.

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” 1 John 5:14 (NIV)

Step 1 Meme

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Father in heaven, please open my eyes today. Show me the areas of my life where I am in need of Your healing touch. Reveal the truth about why I behave the way I behave and feel the way I feel. Please forgive me for intellectualizing my pain. I am ready to allow You to heal me. I choose to trust You. In the name of Jesus, Amen.