Within My Sphere

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I was a Green Beret,” he stated.

“Did you go to my country?” Her voice is soft. Her face tilts toward his.

I open my eyes to see his expression. From my previous three minutes of eavesdropping, I already know some background. It’s his first pedicure. His wife of fifty-six years finally convinced him a professional pedi is a good idea. He served in the military as a young man and is a Veteran proud of his accomplishments.

Assuming the wisp of a woman crouched at his feet is Vietnamese, I wonder what he will say.

“No, my assignment was closer to home.” His voice is steady…quiet.

I search the faces of the other eavesdroppers. We exhale silent relief and return to the safety of our cell phone screens, eyes afraid to acknowledge our shared reality — fifty years and three million Vietnamese deaths later, history’s hangover still haunts our local nail salon.

This is America. Land of the free. Home of the immigrant. Everyone has a story. Sometimes our stories share the same space or intersect in unusual ways. For example, I teach in a school where there are two children whose families recently arrived in the United States because their countries are at war…with each other. Their mothers stand in line at the Scholastic Book Fair and speak English with the same strong Eastern European accent. The kids are both blonde, fair and blue-eyed. I don’t know for certain, but I could guess that the girls’ babushkas are colder than usual this winter. And sadder. This war will celebrate its second birthday in February. The candles won’t be on cake, but on mantles in memory of loved ones who won’t be coming home. Ever.

Yesterday, as I scrolled through social media on my lunch break, I wept with a brown-eyed boy in the Middle East as he described to someone he trusted, the horror of trying to play ball with his nephew in the war zone that is their neighborhood. A bomb suddenly exploded the entire area, leaving his playmates dead or limbless. “We can’t live here! He wailed into the camera. “This is not a life!”

I understand, sweet boy. You are so right. This is definitely NOT the life we long for. Not the life we were created for. And not the life we pray for. This is not how it was meant to be, nor how it will always be. I know you can’t see me or believe me—sitting here, half a world away with my pedicured toes and my full belly. But I feel it, too. The sense of injustice, the rage and outrage that makes me want to scream at Aljezeera and throw my slippers at Fox. I can’t stand it. Hate knowing about all these horrific things that Just. Don’t. Stop.

I used to be SO invested in doing something to make a difference, no matter how small. I posted on social media. I raised funds. My Honey and I sponsored refugees through the Uniting For Ukraine program and made our home a safe haven, even when we ran out of beds and had to use the sofa for the seventh body under our roof. I stayed up many nights, reading about horrific things and posting pleas for help. People rallied, contributed, donated and supported my nonprofit, Relevant Life Solutions. We sent funds for food, medicine, uniforms and funerals. We prayed and pleaded with God for relief for all the suffering we heard about. We felt overwhelmed at times. We ARE overwhelmed at times. One faraway war is eclipsed by another, but the results of Russia vs. Ukraine live in our house.

I sit with them in the social services office while strangers argue about whether or not refugees should even be here, let alone receiving benefits of any kind. No one realizes where they are from as they stare silently at the floor. I cry with them at the end of long workdays where customers or coworkers mock their “strong accents” and treat them with disdain. I listen to one-sided conversations with loved ones left behind as they share the fear of living in villages where neighbors’ windows are blown out because of drone attacks or nightly air raid sirens and growling stomachs prevent anyone from getting a decent rest.

My sense of justice and my compassionate heart keep me from giving up completely, but I’ll admit I’ve gotten discouraged. I stopped watching and reading the news for a while. I stopped posting about needs I know about. I stopped doing anything to promote the work we are doing. I even stopped asking God to stop that war. He’s got a lot going on in the world right now. I’m sure He will get to it when He gets to it. I’m sure He’s there, loving the people on both sides. Answering the prayers of those who abide under the shelter of the Most High. Working all things together for the good of those who love Him. He doesn’t need me to whine, wheedle or beg Him to do anything different.

What He does need me to do is to love those within my sphere and under my care. He needs me to drive a little girl to school each morning and care for her while her mother is working. He needs me to share what I have and offer my help in practical ways. He needs me to send that $100 per month to the single mom who escaped to Romania with her two children, but just can’t make ends meet as she seeks to start a life there. He needs me to advocate for that little school where the poorest of kids can learn about Jesus and receive a quality education. He needs me to write the things that live heavy in my heart, but just can’t seem to find their way out as words and sentences and paragraphs and chapters and books that will help people find hope and know they are not alone in their situation. He needs me. And He needs you, too. How will we love people today? How will we live out compassion? How will we make a difference on a planet ready to implode?

Original Artwork by Sherrie Eichelberger

Jesus probably says it best in Matthew 25:40, something like “If you have done it for one of the least of these, you have done it for me.” I think that’s it. That’s enough. If that young woman in the nail salon, who may or may not know my Jesus, can humbly wash the feet of a Veteran who served in the armed forces that nearly decimated her country and the lives of her ancestors in a pointless war, surely I can serve somebody, too. I can buy some groceries, fill a gas tank, give a ride or pay a bill. I can be a shoulder to cry on and a fund raiser for those without a voice. I can do all these things and more through Christ, who gives me strength. Yes Lord. Yes I can. And so can you, dear Reader. Together we can make a difference. Let’s do this! 2024 is waiting.

www.relevantlifesolutions.org

I Saw You. You Are Beautiful.

Compassion squeezed me until the tears spilled out. The room was a small space filled with big pain. Palpable pain. I was eye to eye with you, my target audience. You – who quietly read my blog while your loved one sleeps “it” off in the other room. You – who nod in understanding when a chord of truth resonates with your story. You – who carry on with your calling, despite the ache in your souls as you long for your loved ones to be free. I saw YOU last weekend. You simultaneously broke my heart and made me proud.

Heather Kopp, in her memoir Sober Mercies: How Love Caught Up With A Christian Drunk, boldly claims, “…people bond more deeply over shared brokenness than they do over shared beliefs.Cross As we rubbed shoulders together, I understood what she meant. Your “game faces” melted under fluorescent lights as I shared my story. A silent, silken thread of shared brokenness wove its way through the room, making us soul sisters, regardless of our differences.

I’m thankful for you, for you represent every woman I write and speak to: every woman whose heart is heavy with the burden of someone else’s addiction. I knew you were out there, holding your heads up while your hearts break, serving others, as your own lives seem to unravel at the seams.

I’m proud of you… for being brave enough to attend a breakout session with an elephant in the room. You didn’t ignore it. You didn’t deny its presence. You swallowed your pride and spit out the seeds of denial so they could no longer take root in your lives. You embraced the pain and allowed your facades to crack as I held the mirror for Jesus as He turned your eyes toward the truth that you are not alone in your suffering. He is right there with you in every ounce of disappointment as you pour yourselves out for someone who cannot love you as they love themselves (because self-love is something addicted people have very little of). You wept as you allowed my story to penetrate your private hells and give you some survival tools and some hope.

Thank you for allowing me into your suffering. Thank you for the hugs at the door and the encouraging words of affirmation. Thank you for putting flesh on the souls of the women I’ve written my memoir for. I loved being able to share my heart with you. I loved connecting with you. I love you. As Kathryn Stockett wrote in, The Help, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” And you is beautiful!Hibiscus

I read Ann Voskamp’s blog post today. It’s entitled, “When You Feel Wounded By Your Own.” She says, “It is the wounded ones who make us heal.” I agree with her. When we share our wounds, our sorrows, our suffering, something healing happens. Healing takes place in community. Seeds of hope are sown in community. Sorrow is divided in safe, healing communities like Celebrate Recovery or Al-Anon. Please find one. Or, create one. Allow God the space in your busy life to finish the good work He has begun in you.

“He will swallow up death forever! The Sovereign LORD will wipe away all tears. He will remove forever all insults and mockery against his land and people. The LORD has spoken!” (Isaiah 25:8, NLT)

(Find Ann’s entire post here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/03/when-you-feel-wounded-by-your-own/ )

Hands Up Don’t Shoot

“The measure of your compassion lies not in your service of those on the margins, but in your willingness to see yourself in kinship with them.” Gregory Boyle

1 John 318Us and them. It happens in every stage of life.

First grade girls giggle behind tiny hands as the new girl enters the playground. How do they instinctively know that she’s somehow different? Is it her clothing? Her way of speaking? Her downcast eyes? Whatever it is, the new girl instantly becomes one of “them” while the “us” group sticks together like Legos.

Us and them. High school’s unwritten rules keep cliques from crossing over. Decade after decade, teens separate themselves into social groups – jocks and cheerleaders, punks and nerds, this gang and that one – whatever the new trends or groups. No one wants to be a “them” so every Freshman hustles to find an “us” to identify with.

Adult versions of “us” and “them” perpetuate through generations, eating the heart out of a tiny but powerful thing called unity.

I grew up in the South in the 1970’s, where train tracks separated “us” from “them” in almost every town. I cringe to recall the wall-building words that flowed so freely from the otherwise loving lips of church-going relatives. Words used to alienate “them” from “us.” Words so ingrained in our Southern culture that they came out of mouths that simultaneously proclaimed the love and grace of God.

How can God accept worship from hearts segregated by the railroad tracks of skin color, language, income or education levels? Does He really sit quietly on His throne while His children derail one another with hatred? Or does He passionately love us – one and all the same, commanding us to do likewise?

Can we truly love one another while something ugly boils beneath our churchy facades? Ferguson is just one tragedy among millions that take place daily upon our planet. The heart of God is pierced by Every. Single. One. Were we more like Him, our hearts would be pierced as well.

I wept through a deeply touching film last week. It’s the story of a Jesuit priest who moves into Latino gang territory and becomes a conduit of God’s love to effect lasting change in the lives of those who are touched by that love. Father Gregory Boyle not only says, “The measure of your compassion lies not in your service of those on the margins, but in your willingness to see yourself in kinship with them” – he lives it.

In my former life, as the wife of a crack-addicted spouse, I came face to face with my own issues with the “us” and “them” mentality. I was part of the “us” who choose not to snort, shoot up or smoke illegal substances. He rode the fence. Sometimes he was like us – clean-shaven, church going, hard working, and tax paying. When he fell off that fence, he instantly (in my mind) became a “them.”

I could not identify with the lifestyle that accompanied his binges. Nor could I accept his almost pleading statement that his druggie girlfriend was “just like us.” In my mind, she wasn’t like me at all. She was (insert any number of ungodly words that a wounded wife might use), but definitely not like me.

In the drafting of my personal memoir on addiction and redemption, I struggled with some of these thoughts as I processed the truth of God’s healing mercy and redemption of all things lost. Although at the time, the fence-rider’s words caused a scream-and-throw-things reaction, hindsight proves him right. She is just like me – a broken sinner in desperate need of God’s grace. I am no more deserving of that than she.

I can no longer sit in my high and mighty seat looking down on her, or “them.” Whether they are different from me because of genetic makeup or lifestyle choices, we are still kin. The blood of Jesus turns us all the same color. His sacrifice makes no distinction between drug addiction or food addiction. All can be forgiven and restored.

May I invite you to join me in laying down our arms (pointing fingers, judgmental thoughts, words and actions) and holding up our palms in “don’t shoot” solidarity with humanity’s masses? Will we serve the marginalized from a place of compassion because each human being is part of the human clique called “us.”

Jesus shed His blood for each one. Can we be like Him and love without condition? Can we be like our brother, Father Boyle, and see ourselves in kinship with those who differ for whatever reason?

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18 (KJV)

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Thank you, Father Boyle (a.k.a. G-Dog), for your example:

If you’d like to see the movie trailer, it’s here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mYEAwtdsYo

You can find his book, Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion here: http://www.amazon.com/Tattoos-Heart-Power-Boundless-Compassion/dp/1439153159