The Lord smiled on me today as I sat at my computer at 5:45 pm wearing the same clothes I slept in, teeth unbrushed, hair in a leftover ponytail. (I know that sounds gross, but if you are a writer, you might understand me when I say I was in writer’s mode!) Thankfully, my husband is away and I can get away with it today, otherwise I might become single again!
Here’s what happened: I had just completed this paragraph for Chapter 15, which describes a very brief, very intense relationship that I became involved in after my divorce:
“On a page from October, my journal says, “I want to be understood. I feel terribly misunderstood. This is the first time in my life I have been made to feel as if I’m not good enough for someone, or that they think that of me. How can he just cut me off? Even God says, “Come, let us reason together.” I can see from the verses written in my prayer journal that I was in agony.”
Just as I finished typing that last sentence, I get the following text from my husband,
“I don’t think any human has loved another human more than I love you.”
Now, he has no earthly idea what I’m writing about, or how I look or smell today! But my Jesus knows. He sees me sitting here at my table, reliving some painful, embarrassing pieces of my personal history. And my loving, personal Savior decided to prompt my husband to send me that text at just the moment I was reminded of a painful rejection from the past. And while my husband does say kind things to me quite often, those particular words have never been said and their impact would not have been as significant had I not been writing what I was writing at that moment!
Jesus, I just weep these tears of joy sometimes at the ways You lavish Your love on me. You see me. You know me. You know that my love language is words of affirmation. And You know that it hurts me to recall those other kinds of words that I’ve heard in my past. Thank You for reminding me so beautifully that I no longer live in the past…That You have redeemed the things I thought were lost. Bless my sweet husband’s heart. Bless The Lord, O my soul! Worship His holy name…